Weekly Non-Fiction Reading List 4.22.24
We have four great books this week. We have an excellent book about recovering from childhood trauma and one of my new favorite self-help books. We also have a book on overcoming imposter syndrome and a book on languishing. Enjoy!
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You're Not That Great: (but neither is anyone else) by Elan Gale
This is legitimately one of the best self-help books I’ve ever read, and it’s now one of my favorites. I can’t remember how I came across it, but I think I was searching for “tough love self-help books”, and fortunately, this was on one of the lists. If you don’t respond well to tough love, then this book isn’t for you. Personally, I need a solid kick in the pants to motivate me, and that’s exactly what this book does in both a hilarious and compassionate way.
I had no clue who Elan Gale was, but he’s a writer and producer of some major hit TV shows. In short Elan’s philosophy is that positive thinking is the exact wrong way to get your act together and stay motivated. He argues that negative feelings are the best driving force you can have. He’s open and honest about his own life in a hilarious and self-depricating way while also explaining to you why you aren’t special nor great.
Throughout the book, he breaks you down to humble you and then gives you some awesome tools to get motivated and accomplish the things you want through hard work. He also interviewed some actors and authors for the book, so you get to hear how they use negative emotions to motivate them as well.
I loved this book oh so much, and it’s definitely going to be a go-to book for me moving forward when I’m in self-pity and need some motivation. I read this book within in a couple of hours because I loved it and it’s a short read. The man packs so much wisdom in such a short book. I definitely recommend it if you’re into the tough love.
Imposter No More: Overcome Self-Doubt and Imposterism to Cultivate a Successful Career by Jill Stoddard
Imposter syndrome is something I’ve struggled with my whole life, and when it comes to helping people like myself with this issue, I think this is a decent enough book. Jill Stoddard has a PhD, so this book has a lot of research to back up her claims. The primary tool this book discusses is mindfulness and its various practices like loving kindness. If you’re struggling with imposter syndrome as well, I think this book has some helpful tools, but I do have an issue with this book.
My major issue with this book is probably a “me” issue, but I also think it’s worth a discussion. The person writing this book comes from a place a privilege, and it sounds like many of her friends who struggle with imposter syndrome come from a similar background of wealth and connections.
She starts the book by discussing her own struggles with imposter syndrome, and a standout moment is that her father had connections to help her get into a good college. This is a source of her imposter syndrome, and if I’m being honest, it should be.
I personally don’t think we should be telling the wealthy and privileged who have lived much easier lives than most people that they shouldn’t acknowledge these things. There’s a massive issue with the price of college as well as how hard it is to get into good schools unless you have money or know someone. When we tell these privileged people, “No, you need to understand how hard you worked to get here,” it perpetuates the idea that people who didn’t have that extremely lucky, privileged path are “less than”.
A recent headline reads “None of Forbes’ billionaires under 30 are self-made for first time in 15 years”. Are you telling me all of these rich kids who benefited from nepotism should grab a copy of this book so they believe they worked hard and that’s why they are where they are?
I’m not saying wealthy or privileged people don’t work hard, but they need to accept the fact that a large portion of where they are today is due to the family they were born into. They need to understand that billions of other people on this planet aren’t that lucky, and we need to figure out a way to even the playing field. I think a healthy amount of imposter syndrome is good for all of us.
I personally came from a low-income family, had an alcoholic mother, and then became and alcoholic and drug addict myself. My life is amazing today and many people don’t make it out. although I worked hard to get where I’m at today, I understand that a lot of it has to do with factors that were completely outside of my control. It makes me grateful for what I have while also being empathetic to those who are still struggling.
Anyway, sorry for the rant. This book does have some decent tools in it.
What My Bones Know: A Memoir of Healing from Complex Trauma by Stephanie Foo
This is a fantastic book and an absolute must read for anyone who suffers from childhood trauma. I was extremely skeptical when picking up this book because CPTSD is a bit of a controversial diagnosis, but the author did an amazing job discussing this so people are aware. Stephanie Foo did some amazing research for this book, which is part memoir, part educational, and part tools for healing from childhood trauma.
Stephanie is very open and honest about her childhood trauma, and although her experience was much different than mine, I could relate. I didn’t just relate to the feelings she had as a child, but she gave words to a lot of what I experienced in relationships later in life. Once the author received her diagnosis, she was on a mission to begin healing, and she tried everything. She explains all of the different therapies and practices, what helped and what didn’t.
Something else I didn’t expect from this book is that I learned a lot about Asian culture. Stephanie not only explores what happened to her as a child but also what happens to many other kids from families who immigrated from Asian countries. I also really liked how she can empathize with what her own parents went through to try and understand why they were the way they were, but she also learns how to set boundaries with them for her own well-being.
I can’t express how much I loved this book, but I do need to be honest with some criticisms. Again, CPTSD is a controversial diagnosis and many just get diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (BPD), but that’s whatever for me. The two issues I have is at one point she discusses cognitive behavioral therapy and says it’s not that effective, but it’s legit one of the most evidence-based treatments out there. I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt though because she may have been saying it’s not super effective for those with CPTSD, but I still don’t know if that’s necessarily true.
The other issue I have is that she praises the famous book on trauma The Body Keeps the Score. Foo acknowledges there's some controversy around the author about him potentially abusing others, but she doesn’t discuss how many experts have said the whole book is just bad science. For example, she promotes EMDR therapy and says it’s effective, but the last I heard, there wasn’t much evidence to support this.
Even though I’m mentioning these two criticisms, they’re a very small part of the book. I think both of these criticisms came from maybe two pages of the book, so it’s not a big deal. I just felt it was worth discussing.
At the end of the day, this is an incredible book. As someone who went through a ton of childhood trauma myself, this book was extremely helpful, and I’ll be recommending it to anyone who needs it.
Languishing: How to Feel Alive Again in a World That Wears Us Down by Corey Keyes
This is a super good book, I have an issue with it that I’ll discuss later, but I will say that I think it’s worth the read. Corey Keyes researches “languishing”, which he explains is different than depression. The best way I can describe it is as feeling “meh” about life. I believe Adam Grant helped popularize the term at the beginning of the pandemic.
There’s a lot to appreciate about this book aside from Keyes giving the reader tools to get their life to a place where they’re flourishing and truly appreciating everything life has to offer. In addition to this, I love how he explains that there’s a big difference between mental health and the lack of mental illness. I also respect the author for being extremely open, honest, and vulnerable about his own life’s struggles.
The issue I have is a personal one. Although Keyes explains how languishing is different than depression, I just think we’ve been overcomplicating far too many things. Personally, I’d say just call it depression, but that’s just me. If someone came to me and said they were depressed and explained the symptoms from this book, I’d feel like a major d-bag saying, “Actually, that sounds more like languishing.” And to be honest, all of the remedies in this book can be found in any book that’s trying to help people with depression.
Again, this is a great book that I’d definitely recommend for people not feeling great about life. I also understand if he just titled the book something about depression, it could get lost in a sea of these books, but yeah, we’re making up way too many words for stuff in my opinion.
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