Should we Lie to Kids About the Education System?
Addressing the deeper questions around education and disadvantage
Last night, an interesting discussion arose on Twitter (and yes, a discussion, and not an anger-fueled Twitter deathmatch). It started with a tweet from the writer Cathy Young, and it had me really wondering if we should lie to kids.
I’ve only followed Cathy for a couple of weeks on Twitter, but I loved the two-part conversation she had on the Embrace the Void Podcast
I joined in the conversation under Cathy’s tweet because education and the idea of meritocracy are topics I’m really interested in. While we like to believe we live in a meritocracy, with a few basic questions, it’s easy to see that this isn’t the case. There are a multitude of reasons why this idea of “hard-working, smart students are rewarded” is not the reality (I’ll dive into those a bit later).
When entering the discussion, I knew my opinion on the matter wouldn’t be the popular one:
Personally, I think this is great though. I try to avoid confirmation bias by having discussions with people who have opposing views to ensure there isn’t something that I’m missing. And although many people believe you can’t have discussions or debates online, I’ve found that’s not the case. In many instances, as long as you’re not a dick and at least attempt to try to understand the other person’s point of view, you typically have about a 50/50 chance at it not turning into an immature battle of insults.
One of the more interesting rebuttals I came across was one citing an article showing that schools Black communities receive the most funding:
Unfortunately, I’m not an expert in confirming the validity of a piece like this. So, if you are, feel free to chime in.
But starting from a point of believing the thesis and data of this article are true, it just brings even more questions:
If funding schools isn’t the problem, then what is?
If these schools have the most funding, why is the education not better?
What are alternative hypothesis that can explain why children at these schools don’t have the same opportunities?
If I’m being honest, I’m highly skeptical of this research for a glaringly obvious reason:
No rational person would argue that the best schools are in the worst neighborhoods.
It’s common knowledge that a major factor in the price of housing is education. Good schools are one of the primary reasons for increasing housing prices and the cost of living in the area. The logic just simply isn’t there.
If housing prices are a reflection of quality education in the area, that means quality education isn’t in poorer communities.
So, if we have a reality-based discussion and recognize that the worst schools are in disadvantaged areas, what are the solutions? Do we lie to our kids or tell them the truth?
I don’t think there’s a simple answer to this, but I do think there are questions we can ask to start working towards common solutions.
Living in Fear
After multiple conversations, there are some common fears, which I don’t think are completely invalid. Although the fears may be valid, each person I talked to acknowledged that many kids are at a disadvantage. If we can all agree that there are many kids at a disadvantage due to a variety of factors, can we really argue that educational opportunities are a merit-based system?
One of the primary fears is that kids from wealthy and/or stable homes will be punished at no fault of their own. I agree that we’d just be reversing the situation and bright children with potential would be deprived of opportunities, and some of these kids may be the next innovators and disruptors.
Although a valid concern, we’re neglecting to consider all of the options and advantages of children from better situations. If this child doesn’t get into that school, they have a higher chance of going to a different school of similar quality. And when zooming out to look at the child’s future, there’s also a higher probability that growing up in their better neighborhood gives them connections and opportunities as well.
Imagine the disadvantaged child for a moment who lives in poverty that may be able to succeed if just given the opportunity. The Matthew Effect is real, so this child is far less likely to have a similar amount of future options and opportunities.
Another fear that I don’t think people recognize is their own neophobia. Wharton Professor Jonah Berger is famous for his research and books around the psychology of marketing, and he taught me about our innate fear of the new and change. Aside from neophobia, Berger also discusses our tendency towards inertia; it takes far less effort to just keep doing what we’re already doing (this is also a theory as to why most presidents have served two terms).
I understand the fear of the new and change. It’s easy to think of all of the possible negative outcomes like we’re Dr. Strange in Infinity War (sick reference, I know). But the reality is that for decades, one group of children have had the advantage. Don’t you think they’ve “held the ball” long enough and it’s time to give the other kids a shot?
Unfortunately, the other major fear is creating a victim mentality among children.
Creating a Generation of Victims
As I was thinking about these questions this morning, I stumbled across a Critical Race Theory debate on The Debate Podcast hosted by the wonderful Batya Ungar-Sargon and Josh Hammer. This debate featured Isaac Bailey and Barrington Martin II, and although I am in the camp of Isaac’s beliefs, Barrington brought up some valid points.
One of Barrington’s primary concerns is that we’ll encourage a victim mentality in children if we tell them that they’re at a disadvantage. But as we discussed earlier, no serious person would deny that many kids have legitimate disadvantages. So, how do we resolve this?
As a father, this is something I wrestle with often. I’m a recovering drug addict who got sober in 2012 after multiple relapses, and in order to turn my life around, I had to get rid of the victim mentality. I had to realize that it wasn’t doing me any favors, but I also knew that as a child of an alcoholic mother who grew up in a low-income single-parent household, I was also at a disadvantage.
My son is in a much better situation than I am, but I’m far from wealthy. His work ethic is insane, and he won’t touch a video game until his homework is done. What’s crazy is that we don’t even have to tell him. But as we all know, despite his work ethic, there’s a chance he won’t get into a college of his choice by no fault of his own.
Do I tell him the truth that the heir or heiress to a family fortune can work half as hard and have a better chance? Or do I lie and instill in him the idea that we live in a meritocracy and that his hard work pays off? And if he works hard his entire life and doesn’t get the same results as a kid who grew up in a better situation, I’m then exposed as either A) ignorant or B) a liar.
It’s a tough choice, so I thought it’d be good to turn to some social psychology experiments.
First, there’s what’s known as the “Pygmalion effect”. In the 1960s, researchers Rosenthal and Babad discovered something quite interesting:
“The original research of Rosenthal and Jacobsen focused on an experiment at an elementary school where students took intelligence pre-tests. Rosenthal and Jacobsen then informed the teachers of the names of twenty percent of the students in the school who were showing “unusual potential for intellectual growth” and would bloom academically within the year. Unknown to the teachers, these students were selected randomly with no relation to the initial test. When Rosenthal and Jacobson tested the students eight months later, they discovered that the randomly selected students who teachers thought would bloom scored significantly higher. Rosenthal insists that the Pygmalion effect also applies to higher education: There've been experiments looking at college algebra classes at the Air Force Academy, a study of undergraduates in engineering; there've been lots of studies at the college level since the book came out confirming the findings . . . In fact, the original research conducted when I was at the University of North Dakota was all done with graduate students and under-graduates (Rhem, 1999). Why does the Pygmalion effect occur? “If you think your students can’t achieve very much, are not too bright, you may be inclined to teach simple stuff, do lots of drills, read from your notes, give simple assignments calling for simplistic answers” (Rhem, 1999). “
If we act as though disadvantaged kids are less than or not as capable, it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. Then, there’s also the famous work of Carol Dweck on fixed vs growth mindset that shows us that students who believe intelligence and ability can’t change are more likely to stay stuck. Meanwhile, children who believe hard work can improve their abilities are more likely to succeed.
Whether or not Barrington and others who fear the victim mentality are aware of this research, they have valid reasons to be concerned. So, should we lie to children to avoid the Pygmalion effect and a fixed mindset? Before addressing that, I think we should address another responsibility of us adults that is far less tricky.
What We Owe Our Children
Sometimes, there’s a silly, straw man argument that people want equality of outcomes and not equality of opportunity. If we agree that many factors such as household income, environment, disability, and more can put a child at a disadvantage, then we agree that there is currently not a system of equality of opportunity.
And if we can agree that some children are at a disadvantage and may never have the same opportunities, don’t we have a responsibility as adults to at least attempt to level the playing field?
One argument is that in any career, we want the best, most qualified people are put in the best positions. While I agree to an extent, we must acknowledge that we’re not getting the best, most qualified people in the best positions if they never had the same opportunities to be on that path.
Therefore, we need politicians to recognize this reality and discuss solutions. But people like you and me are the ones who elect politicians, so it must start with us by voting for reality-based politicians.
An issue that we run into is that many politicians don’t want to have these conversations at all by labeling them as “woke” rather than asking the important questions we’ve been discussing. Meanwhile, millions of children in poverty are being left behind, and this isn’t even taking into consideration the unlucky children born with disabilities or are victims of childhood trauma.
What’s the Solution?
With all this taken into consideration, what should we do? Should we lie to our children and tell them our current system allows for equality of opportunity? Do we risk endorsing a victim mentality? Or, do we switch to the lottery system that many people advocate for?
Well, as usual, I don’t know the answers to these questions. I have some ideas, but I definitely don’t have the answers.
I don’t think the answers can come from any individual, but I have the urge to write when I feel like we’re not asking the right questions. If we don’t ask the right questions and acknowledge reality, we’re never going to get closer to the solutions. Once we’re able to live in the same reality, The Matthew Effect will ensure that on average those who start ahead have a better chance of finishing ahead and those who start behind will continue to fall behind.
Until we figure out some answers, I suggest we continue to have conversations and work towards collective solutions.
I’ve been working on organizing all the books I’ve read, and I have multiple lists of books on becoming a better thinker. There are lists for education, social issues, critical thinking, self-deception, and biases. For the rest of the categories, click here.
I’m always open for a conversation and to be shown what I might be missing or where I may be wrong, so feel free to email me at TheRewiredSoul@gmail.com