This week, I finished three super interesting books by some amazing authors. To start the list, an author makes the case for cancel culture. Next, we have an entire book about how to make good apologies and how to forgive. Finally, we have what will probably be one of my favorite books of the year, and it’s about the idea of the “self” and how it’s dependent on social contexts. Enjoy!
Each of the links to the books are affiliate links, so if you use my link to purchase any of these books, some comes back to support what I do (and it also helps fund my reading habit).
The Case for Cancel Culture: How This Democratic Tool Works to Liberate Us All by Ernest Owens
This is an awesome book discussing the ins and outs of cancel culture. As someone who has gone through cancellation, my concern is that the author has never gone through it and argues for it. With this book, that’s not the case. Owens starts by discussing how he had a ton of online backlash, so he writes with some perspective.
In the book, he triest to separate cancel culture vs. bullying. He focuses on how cancel culture often comes from social injustice and this form of public shaming is often needed for social change. While I don’t agree with everything in this book, I definitely agree with a lot of it and think this is a great read for anyone interested in the topic.
Sorry, Sorry, Sorry: The Case for Good Apologies by Marjorie Ingall and Susan McCarthy
This book has far more good things about it than negatives, so I’ll start by saying that I do think everyone should read it. Apologizing is one of the most important things we can do to maintain relationships and be a decent person. Marjorie and Susan are excellent writers and write for Sorry Watch, which analyzes apologies. This is something I’m typically against, but these two women do an awesome job.
What I loved about this book is how many studies they bring to the book along with stories of various apologies. They discuss public apologies from high-profile people as well as stories from some of their readers. In my opinion, the best chapters are toward the end where they discuss the biases, sexism and racism that are involved in apologies. They also do a fantastic job discussing forgiveness and how it’s up to the person who was harmed to forgive and how they don’t have to.
My criticisms of the book are minor, but I think they should be discussed. At some points in the book, they can come off as policing apologies. Sometimes, you put the person apologizing in a damned if you do damned if you don’t situation, but these two do a pretty good job explaining the importance of letting people screw up, apologize, learn from it and grow, which I respect a ton. Too often, people screw up and then we don’t allow them room to grow, which doesn’t help anyone.
Lastly, as someone who has been sober over 10 years and got sober through 12-step programs, I really didn’t like how they discussed newly sober people apologize. They discuss it in passing and pretty much limit it to, “Someone might get sober and apologize to make themselves feel better,” and mention it’s part of their 12-step program. Not only was how they discussed it mostly incorrect, but there was a huge missed opportunity. People actually working the program are some of the best apologizers in the world, and it aligns with most of what was taught in this book. For the ninth step, we’re taught to not make the apology about us and to not expect forgiveness for what we’ve done. There’s a lot that goes into these acts of making amends, which is why it’s not step one. The authors almost make it sound like we’re taught to send a quick text saying, “My bad,” and that couldn’t be further from the truth.
Overall, this book is a must-read because all of us will need to humble ourselves and apologize at some point. There’s far more good in this book than bad despite my lengthy criticism of the 12-step aspect, and I hope a ton of people read this book and learn from it.
Selfless: The Social Creation of “You” by Brian Lowery
I’ve been so excited for this book and binged it as soon as it came out. My expectations were high, and Brian Lowery nailed it. It’s still early in the year, but I know this is for sure going to be one of my favorite books of the year.
Conversations of the self usually get a bit too complex and philosophical, but Lowery did such an excellent job making this book digestible for the reader. Although Lowery is a social psychologist, this book was surprisingly philosophical, and I loved every second of it.
Lowery’s theory is that our self isn’t this one thing about us, but it’s something that changes depending on social contexts. Who we are is dependent on how we were raised, what groups we’re a part of, our experiences with others and more. This is something I’ve thought about for years, and Lowery does a great job breaking it down and making strong arguments for this theory.
I really hope this book gets the recognition it deserves. It’s an important book because it lets us know that we can change, but more importantly how we change based on who we hang out with for better or for worse.
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Does the Cancel Culture book get any better than the preview available for Kindle? As there didn't seem to be an nuance or seeing more than one side of the argument in the preview.