You Should Stop Being So Ugly
If I were to die tomorrow, it would suck because my life is pretty good, and I have a son and all that. But if it were to happen and I died, but I knew I was able to get just a handful of people to realize that the idea of a meritocracy is a complete myth, I could die happy.
The people who advocate that our system is meritocratic are either already successful, deceiving themselves so they don’t just give up, or they’re completely ignorant. If you’re successful or lying to yourself, you may want to leave now. But if you’re ignorant, I might be able to help. The harsh reality is that the science, psychology, and the data completely disprove this belief that a meritocracy is possible.
We can talk about factors like race, sex, generational wealth (or lack of) all day long, but the factor we don’t acknowledge enough is how if you’re good-looking, you have a massive advantage. Sure, you can exercise and maybe lose some unwanted pounds and get some abs, but that can only get you so far. Aside from our race and sex, something that you have very little control over is how you look, and if you’re attractive, the doors that will open for you are unbelievable.
This has been on my mind a lot lately as I was recently re-reading one of my all-time favorite books. In my opinion, Messengers: Who We Listen To, Who We Don't, and Why by Stephen Martin and Joseph Marks is one of the most underrated books out there. Not only is it underrated in the realm of psychology and social sciences, but this should be a mainstream banger that everyone has read. Why is it such an amazing book? Because it hits on so many levels.
If you’re someone who writes, creates content, or just has a message that you want to get out there, this book is for you.
If you want to know why nobody cares what you have to say, this book is for you.
If you want to know how you get suckered and manipulated, this book is for you.
And if you want to know why so many other people become the victim of misinformation, conspiracy theories, cults, and other forms of irrational types of mentality, you need this book.
So what’s this have to do with attractiveness? There is an entire chapter of this book dedicated to the topic. Martin and Marks go through study after study of how we trust people and listen to people who are attractive. And it’s not just stunning beauty, either. With research to back it up, they argue that averageness is the ideal level of attractiveness. If you’re too attractive as a female, this can put a target on your back. But if you’re a man or woman with a symmetrical face, you’re golden.
Now, this doesn’t mean you can’t get laid. Our main goal as a species is to reproduce, and I truly believe that you have to try really hard to be a lifelong virgin. But when we’re talking about your likelihood of living a successful life, you better at least be average if not a little above average in attractiveness.
Recently, I was looking around at various academics and who has the most popularity. Something I noticed is that on average, the attractive ones are the ones with bestselling books and regularly being brought on as an expert. I think this is a great example because, in academia, you’ll find plenty of people who aren’t conventionally attractive.
As someone who loves to read, and with my background in marketing and my own personal brand, I notice this a lot. There are so many great books that could change the world, but they go unnoticed. If you’re an attractive academic, you can write a mediocre book and go on to become a New York Times bestseller and be featured on all of the mainstream news outlets.
You don’t have to believe me, either. Just start paying attention.
And we’re just talking about books and academia, but think about the lifelong advantages in other careers. If we’re more likely to listen to attractive people, think of all the people who work their way up the corporate ladder. Martin and Marks even discuss research around how people are able to accurately predict politicians who will win purely based on how they look.
So, not to be a jerk, but it’s possible that you’ve been struggling a bit just because you’re not nearly as good-looking.
Of course, this isn’t the rule, and there are plenty of unattractive people who have succeeded, but they have to work that much harder. Those who are born attractive have a head start and don’t have to work nearly as hard. When this is the case, isn’t that the opposite of how a meritocracy works? When equal work doesn’t achieve the same outcomes, that system isn’t working.
Sure, being born into a rich family is great, but even if you’re born into poverty, you have a better chance if you’re attractive. The research even shows that attractive people have less harsh sentences when they commit crimes. People are ven more likely to forgive you if you’re attractive. Does anyone remember Jeremy Meeks aka the “hot felon”?
Those who know me know that I’m all about justice reform, and I’m glad someone like Jeremy can be viewed as someone who can potentially change. But when attractive criminals receive benefits that unattractive ones don’t, that’s a problem.
In fact, in Julia Shaw’s awesome book Evil: The Science Behind Humanity's Dark Side, she goes into even more research about how your attractiveness plays a role in how the justice system treats you. If you’re tall and lanky, sorry, but you’re more likely to be seen as a creepy person who should be locked away.
Recently, with the release of the new James Bond film, disability activists have been speaking out against the trope of the deformed villain. Personally, I’m torn on this debate because based on what we know about attractiveness, this might be one of the more realistic aspects of a fictional film. While it’s true that not all deformed people are villains, with how society treats the ugly and deformed, is it that farfetched that they’d be pretty pissed at the world?
At the end of the day, I don’t fault attractive people. It’d be hypocritical to point out the disadvantages of unattractive people over something they can’t control and then go attack attractive people. What I do think is that we need to recognize that this is something built into our psyche and acknowledge the advantages and privileges of being attractive if we hope to have a more fair and just society. But to sit back and think it’s a coincidence that so many successful people are attractive is to be willfully ignorant at this point.
So, I hope you learned a little bit more about how the idea of a meritocracy is nonsense. And you’re welcome for my hefty self sparing you the conversation about disadvantages of fat people and the completely ridiculous idea that we’re all sitting around eating Ho Hos and fast food all day.
I’ve been working on organizing all the books I’ve read, and I have multiple lists of books on becoming a better thinker. There are lists for education, social issues, critical thinking, self-deception, and biases. For the rest of the categories, click here.
I’m always open for a conversation and to be shown what I might be missing or where I may be wrong, so feel free to email me at TheRewiredSoul@gmail.com